The truth about self-love & 30 Meaningful ways to practice self-love
In my session work, my clients and I discuss how important relational health is to personal well-being. So, let’s do a short relational health exercise in our heads together right now.
Take a quick inventory of the top five or so people you care about most in your life. Think of the people you love most in the world – the relationships you prioritize over everything else – and answer the following questions:
Who do you gift your time, energy, and compassion to?
How do you express your love to these individuals?
In what ways do you prioritize them?
Last question… Did you include yourself on that list?
If you forgot to put yourself on the list, you’re not alone. Many people struggle with prioritizing self-love. But why? Let’s explore what self-love really is, what self-love is not, why it matters, how to practice self-love, and why loving ourselves feels so… selfish?
#DeepBreathIn #Exhale
Let’s dive in…
What is self-love?
Self-love is true love. It means to be patient and kind with yourself, take care of yourself, respect yourself, and not let your inner critic be the loudest, unchecked voice in your head. Self-love is self-respect in action. It’s knowing that you and others are worthy of love and honoring that truth with your thoughts, words, actions, and commitments.
What self-love is not
Self-love not self-centered. It’s not an inflexible attitude with no wiggle room for interpersonal compromise. It’s not an excuse to overindulge on activities you know don’t serve your highest truest good or an excuse to treat others disrespectfully. Self-love is also not selfish. It’s an essential practice that enables you to show up (for yourself and others) as the best version of yourself.
Why is self-love important?
Self-love is important because it is a direct reflection of your sense of self-worth. If you do not value yourself and consider yourself worthy of love, you begin to define yourself by inaccurate, limiting beliefs. Your internal dialogue becomes highly critical. Your emotional health takes a nosedive.
Eventually, the ripple effect of low self-worth negatively impacts nearly every aspect of who you are and the way you show up in the world – personally, professionally, relationally, etc. A low sense of self-worth is also linked to poor mental and physical health.
Why don’t I love myself?
Self-love sounds great… but the truth is, self-love isn’t always easy. Past experiences, trauma, and social conditioning may have led you to believe your self-worth is not intrinsic. Many of us carry around the subconscious belief that our self-worth is connected to external factors such as how ‘successful’ we are or how well we love and care for others. But neither of these qualify or disqualify us from being worthy of love.
Falling in love with YOU
Think about the way you grow to love others. You get to know them first, right? You listen carefully to what they like and don’t like. You discover their love language and then learn how to speak that language.
Falling in love with yourself works very much in the same way. It may not be ‘love and first sight,’ and that’s ok! Self-love is not a cheesy, materialistic, shallow practice. Remember, self-love is true love – the deep, sincere, unconditional kind. The kind that accepts and honors you exactly the way you are and encourages you to continue blossoming to your full potential as the healthiest, truest version of you.
Inspired by the five primary love languages, here are some ideas to help you cultivate a self-love practice.
30 Ways to practice self-love
Physical connection :
This is a fun one! There are so many ways to give your body what it needs to feel it’s best, but here are some ideas to get you started:
1.) Breathing exercises or grounding practices
2.) Having healthy grooming, hygiene, and self-care routines
3.) Giving yourself permission to rest without feeling guilty
4.) Nourishing your body with healthy foods
5.) Prioritizing sleep
6.) Connecting with your body through enjoyable movement (dancing, walking, stretching, swimming, etc.)
Acts of service:
Practicing self-love through acts of service will look different for everyone, but chances are, however you prioritize others is how you would appreciate being prioritized yourself. Consider these suggestions.
7.) Making and keeping your healthcare appointments
8.) Advocating for yourself by speaking up when you need to
9.) Following through on your commitments to yourself
10.) Being honest with yourself – even when its hard
11.) Saying ‘no’ to an event, activity, person, or commitment
Quality time:
Quality time with yourself starts with building self-awareness around your values. It takes time to understand not just what makes you feel happy, safe, sad, or stressed, but why.
If self-love and prioritizing nurturing yourself is a new concept to you, spending quality time with yourself may feel a bit daunting. That’s ok! Remember, true love takes quality time, and cultivating self-love takes practice. Enjoy the process. Explore, try new things, and figure out who you are, what you want, and why. Some ways of spending quality time with yourself may include:
12.) Mindfulness practices
13.) Participating in therapy
14.) Talking it out with a friend
15.) Reconnecting with nature
16.) Routinely enjoying your hobbies
17.) Exploring different activities/hobbies
18.) Trying new things
Words of affirmation:
The thoughts you think about yourself matter. We all have an inner critic, but we also have an inner advocate. One of the greatest ways you can love yourself is to speak kindly toward yourself. It can take time to retrain our minds to think compassionate thoughts about ourselves, but this form of self-love is quite possibly the most important one
19.) Letting yourself receive a compliment with gratitude
20.) Reciting affirmations every morning to yourself in the mirror
21.) Practicing meditations and mantras for healing and retraining your self-talk
22.) Writing a love letter to a past version of you
Receiving gifts:
Giving yourself gifts is another fun way to practice self-love! Feel free to get as creative or as serious as needed. For me, I think the sentimental gifts are always the ones that mean the most. The suggestions below may be a bit abstract, but the idea here is to consider the diverse ways self-love gifts may manifest in your life.
23.) The gift of forgiving yourself
24.) The gift of a second chance
25.) The gift of self-compassion
26.) The gift of education (Examples: Reading books, attending workshops, participating in therapy, listening to podcasts, etc.)
27.) The gift unconditional love
28.) The gift of complete self-acceptance
29.) The gift of taking time to ‘do the work’ when you need it
30.) The gift of asking for help
The bottom line – You belong on your list!
Consider this your gentle reality check… You are worthy of love, compassion, and kindness.
The relationship you have with yourself is one of the most important relationships you will ever have. Taking time to connect with yourself in a loving way may not feel natural, but it is necessary. Self-love reminds you of who you were before the world told you who you needed to become in order to be loved.
By cultivating self-love, we foster inner peace, and that inner peace ripples outward – beautifully impacting everything from our choices to our relationships to the way we show up in the world. The fact is, self-love is one of the most unselfish things we can do, because we cannot give to others what we don’t have for ourselves. Without self-love, relationships can become a burdensome obligation instead of a fulfilling joy.
Sometimes, practicing self-love is easy. Other times, self-love highlights the neglected, wounded parts of us that need love, which can be triggering. If practicing self-love brings up difficult emotions, please contact me. I would love to guide you through those emotions and help your self-love authentically bloom.
Let’s Connect
Hi there! I’m Jenny, a licensed Holistic Therapist, and Certified Adult Chair® Master Coach.
I combine both therapy and coaching methodologies to provide my clients with a holistic perspective and the techniques they need to flourish. Rediscovering who you were always meant to be is an act of courage, and radical self- love can turn unconscious paralysis into conscious growth. Learn more about me here.