5 Affirmations to Release Victim Mentality and Welcome a Growth Mindset
“The moment you accept responsibility for everything in your life is the moment you gain the power to change anything in your life.” – Hal Elrodil
To those with fresh wounds...
The journey of healing has many checkpoints. If you are just beginning your healing journey, then this message of hope may not feel as empowering as it will to someone who is ready to process, heal, and overcome what happened to them. What happened to you may heavily influence or impact how you see yourself and the world, but your power lies in your ability to not let external experiences define you.
If you are ready to explore that power of choice and move towards the next checkpoint on your healing journey, then this article is for you. If you are still in the grieving stage of healing, I encourage you to revisit this article after you have given yourself the grace and space you deserve.
The victim mindset – sometimes called the victim mentality – is probably one of the most misunderstood mindsets. Seriously, why is there so much naming, blaming, and shaming with the victim mindset? What even is a victim mindset, and where does it come from?
Let’s explore these and other questions together.
What is the victim mindset?
A victim mindset is a continuous feeling that unsafe forces beyond your influence are controlling your life. Someone with a victim mindset will continuously regard themselves as a victim, even if they are not currently being victimized. Over time, victimization can become a part of someone’s self-identity.
If we inspect a little further though, we will discover that a victim mentality is a subconscious function of the Inner Adolescent. Feeling exploited, fooled, controlled, or undermined can understandably lead to intense feelings of doubt and mistrust – feelings which often trigger an Adolescent Chair response.
Where do victim mindsets come from?
Developing a victim mindset is not a conscious process, and anyone can develop a victim mindset. Victim mindsets may sometimes form as a result of traumatic experiences, but this is not always the case, and not everyone who has experienced trauma will develop a victim mindset.
A victim mindset forms as a subconscious defense mechanism to help us feel better, get our emotional needs met (such as love, acceptance, consolation, protection, compassion, etc.), and protect us from feeling the vulnerable, exposed feelings of the Inner Child. However, anytime we look to anyone besides ourselves to be the healthy Adult in a situation, we are putting others in control and defaulting to a victim mindset.
Signs you may have a victim mindset:
You frequently reflect about moments in the past where you felt like a victim.
You want other people to acknowledge your victimization.
You attempt to get your emotional needs met by soliciting pity or sympathy from others.
You think most other people have it better and easier than you, and most people you know are luckier, smarter, and better set up for success than you.
You feel like you have to do everything yourself.
You don’t feel like you have any options or say in your life.
You feel like you can never catch a break, despite your efforts.
You feel like nothing you do is ever good enough.
You feel like change is impossible.
You feel dependent on external factors.
You feel powerless.
How to let go of the victim mindset
When you replace “Why is this happening to me” to “what is this situation trying to teach me?" everything shifts.
To release a victim mentality, we must first acknowledge it, and we can do this by taking responsibility for our thoughts and minding our own minds. From the Adult Chair perspective, we can see the victim mindset as ‘a part’ of us we have outgrown and no longer need to be stuck in. Only from the Adult Chair can we swoop in, relieve our Inner Adolescent from the burden of responsibility they are struggling to carry, and give them the care they’re seeking. Learn more: Every part of who you are
For example… What size shoe do you wear?
I love to ask this question, because the shoe size you are today was not always your shoe size. In the same way you no longer fit into an old pair of shoes, the thoughts and beliefs you have been acquiring through your healing process can outgrow your old mindset. If you are stepping into your healthy Adult mindset, then you’ve outgrown the victim mindset.
Five affirmations to overcome victim mentality
Coping with the feeling of victimization is no easy task, and triggered responses are part of life. We all default to the “Why me?!” mentality from time to time, and that’s normal. The important thing is to learn to identify the victim mentality when it’s happening, and then return to the seat of the Adult Chair. Here are five affirmations to turn to the next time your Inner Adolescent is triggered.
1. Every season has an expiration date.
Every season, stage, and experience has an expiration, so trust life is unfolding right on time. You are exactly where you need to be to do what you were meant to do and become who you were meant to become.
Photo by Sixteen Miles Out on Unsplash
2. Life is happening FOR me.
Life is not against you. Believing life is working FOR you and not AGAINST you requires faith, especially in the midst of discomfort. Trust that you are being given opportunities and lessons for your growth. While growth can feel difficult, surrendering to the process of unfolding can allow for more freedom to experience the fullness of life and all its lessons.
3. I am living in alignment with my Soul’s path.
Every detour, plot twist, and stumble is part of our story. Learning to integrate the shadow aspects of our life is how we welcome the light of healing. Everything happens for a reason, and God/The Universe always has your back.
4. I choose to take responsibility for my life.
Responding to and coping with life events is your responsibility. By accepting this responsibility – unfair though it may be – you are aligning yourself with the life you want and taking control and ownership of your experiences.
5. I am heading in the right direction.
Creating a new mindset takes time and effort. Subtle mindset shifts moment by moment lead to radical changes over time and applying even 1% of effort each day will have a cumulative impact.
Baby steps still count as progress.
Everything is happening right on time.
It takes a certain degree of trust in God/The Universe to experience life with a growth mindset, but trust is what empowers you to become the highest, truest, most authentic version of yourself. If you are feeling stuck on your healing journey, it may be time to shift your mindset. As a licensed Holistic Therapist (LISW-CP), Certified Adult Chair Master Coach, and someone who has been there and “gets it” – I am here for you. The real you. The authentic you. Please don’t hesitate to reach out and contact me if you would like supportive care on your healing journey.
Let’s Connect
Hi there! I’m Jenny, a licensed therapist and Certified Adult Chair® Master Coach.
I combine both therapy and coaching methodologies to provide my clients with a holistic perspective and the techniques they need to flourish. Rediscovering who you were always meant to be is an act of courage, and radical self- love can turn unconscious paralysis into conscious growth. Learn more about me here.