The Power of Words – How to stop spiraling thought narratives
How aware are you of the words you use to describe your life? Do you use harsh or overly critical language when describing aspects of your life? Do you overgeneralize and speak negative, limiting, or, frankly, untrue words to describe your entire life when really, it is just one or two aspects that may be less than ideal?
If certain situations or experiences cause your thoughts to spiral into dysregulation, then this blog is for you. This post explores how to shift from anxiety and dread to a more relaxed and empowered state so you can take aligned action toward change.
The Power of Words
“Words can inspire. And words can destroy. Choose yours well.” Robin Sharma
The words we use have the power to shape our reality and our emotional experiences. Even if those words are just thoughts in your head, critical thought narratives can spiral out of control, making situations appear far worse than reality. Changing the narrative requires shifting gears from a critical mindset to a curious one, but before we talk about how to soften our approach, let’s talk about why our thoughts spiral in the first place…
Discovering and nurturing the different voices in your head
If you’re not familiar with the Adult Chair framework, I encourage you to read and explore Every part of who you are – Discovering your top three inner voices to better understand the three core mindsets/voices we each embody – The Child, The Adolescent, and The Adult. Essentially, when a scared part of you is ‘blowing something out of proportion,’ the kinder way of describing what’s going on is this: a situation or experience is being overgeneralized.
Often, the inner voice that overgeneralizes or operates in story and assumption mode belongs to our adolescent mindset. Adolescents are innately focused on how to stay safe and acceptable to others. Minimizing, judging, avoiding, raging… the voice of your inner Adolescent is so vocal because they are fixated on safety, survival, and acceptance.
Depending on what judgments or assumptions you may have towards a situation, it can certainly feel as if your whole life is falling apart. The world is complex and when something happens that shifts part of our world out of alignment, it is normal for our anxious parts to experience a sense of panic. The thought-narrative of, “Everything is a mess. My life is out of control!” comes from a part of us that is still healing – a part of us who didn’t get the tools they needed to cope. Anxious thoughts may begin to spiral as a narrative is developed to explain an experience.
Of course, spiraling, dysregulated thoughts are an open invitation for your healthy Adult voice to run to the rescue, because without a healthy, fact-based voice of reason, spiraling thoughts can lead to emotional dysregulation, a victim mindset, and an overgeneralized, critical outlook on life. Only the gentle voice of our healthy Adult can authentically soften our inner Adolescent perspective. This is because the healthy Adult part of you operates from a mindset of curiosity – one that is fixated on finding the truest most accurate assessment of what’s really going on.
Read more: How to process emotions in a healthy way
Softening the voice in your head
The best way to soften and slow down spiraling story, assumption, and judgement-based thoughts is to step into the mindset of a healthy adult and get to the most accurate truth of what’s happening in a situation. When we choose our thoughts and words carefully and find the truest words, we are able to make more accurate assessments, and this empowers us by helping us recognize the control we have in a situation to improve it or embrace a different perspective.
And you may be wondering… how do we do this?
1.) The first step to softening the overly critical, fear-filled voice in your head is to first be kind to it. Simply recognizing the voice as belonging to a scared part of you is a great place to start. Avoid shaming or minimizing that voice, and instead, comfort the concerned voice in your head with the truth. “I’m here. What do you need?”
2.) Next, see if you can identify the overgeneralization words being used to find the source of the real problem. For example, “My life is a mess.” The overgeneralizing word there is ‘life.’ While it may feel as if your whole life is falling apart, in all likelihood, your life is probably not completely out of control. It may be that there is one situation or area of your life that is not the way you want it to be, and focusing your attention on that one area helps you better target the root of the problem.
3.) Finally, rephrase the problem using the truest most accurate words you can. Maybe not every area of your life is the way you want it to be, but from a healthy adult perspective, everything becomes more manageable when we get curious and choose a less judgmental narrative. For instance, “Everything is a mess. My life is out of control!” transforms into, “There’s this one aspect of my life that is not the way I want it to be.”
Choosing a curious mindset over a critical one is not about looking on the bright side or entertaining toxic positivity. It’s about being fact based so you can accurately identify the root cause of an anxiety and then take the appropriate steps to align with the desired outcome. While the scared, overwhelmed Adolescent might think, “My life sucks,” the healthy Adult mindset says, “I’m unhappy in my job. It may be time to spruce up my resume and look for a job that is more aligned with my goals.”
The Bottom Line
Photo by Sixteen Miles Out on Unsplash
It is from the mindset of our healthy Adult that we find the space and grace to take aligned action towards a desired change. The curious mind of a healthy Adult makes the undesirable aspects of life more digestible and manageable, which softens our mindset and frees us to embrace a more empowered mindset rather than a victim mentality. Gently change the narrative by using truthful words rather than those of judgement or assumption and watch how your life transforms.
Read more: 5 Affirmations to release victim mentality and welcome a growth mindset
Let’s Connect
Hi there! I’m Jenny, a licensed Holistic Therapist (LISW-CP) and Certified Adult Chair® Master Coach.
I combine both therapy and coaching methodologies to provide my clients with a holistic perspective and the techniques they need to flourish. Rediscovering who you were always meant to be is an act of courage, and radical self-love can turn unconscious paralysis into conscious, authentic growth. Learn more about me here.