A message of hope for those in the messy middle of transformation
Whether you have just begun your healing journey or have been navigating the healing process for a while, there comes a point where everything changes.
Everything.
Absolutely nothing is as it used to be. You’re not like you used to be. And you question everything you thought you knew. In the midst of all the confusion, you begin to realize that the old you – the you who started the healing journey – is no longer who you are today.
The old you has now become a part of you, but the you you’re still in the process of becoming hasn’t fully appeared yet. Your old identity and ways of thinking have become former things, but nothing new and fully formed has emerged. You may be surrounded by the same, but everything inside you feels different. And you might think…
But I’ve been transforming. I’ve been learning, growing, healing… Everything was getting better until it just stopped, and now everything feels like a mess. Why? What’s happening? Why did my progress stop? What isn’t working? How do I fix it?
Friends… this is often the most painful part of healing.
When you find yourself in the space between who you were and who you are becoming, you begin to realize that the process of healing feels an awful lot like a death and rebirth. Much like a caterpillar’s transformation into a butterfly, you’ve reached the stage of transformation where your entire identity is melting away into primordial goo.
During this goo phase of your journey, you can’t fit and cram all the pieces of who you are today into who you used to be yesterday. You can’t backtrack, but neither can you fast-forward into tomorrow.
You’re currently suspended in the messy middle between everything that was and everything that will be.
So, what do you do when you’re no longer a caterpillar, but not yet a butterfly?
What do you do when you feel stuck in the transformational middle between death and rebirth? What do you do when everything you are feels like a pile of goo wrapped in a thin, fragile chrysalis and your exposed, sensitive heart is full of uncertainty?
A message of hope for those in the “goo stage”
“Life isn't hard because you're doing it wrong; it's hard because you're doing it right." – Glennon Doyle
A transformation has begun and is in progress.
We’re so used to hearing about ‘success’ stories that we forget about the process that comes before a great transformation. We hear things like, “I got sober and now my life is fantastic.” Or… “I healed from my trauma and now I _____.” But no one really talks about the struggles it takes to get there. But it DOES take struggling to get there. Things have to fall away before new things can come in, and the messy middle period when you feel like melted goo is proof that a transformation has begun and is in progress.
Photo by Sixteen Miles Out on Unsplash
It’s normal for alignment to take time.
Alignment is not always what we think it is. It is so much more than picking a goal or a desire and moving towards it. Sometimes, achieving alignment means un-aligning with the things that don’t serve you. Peeling back layers of who you thought you were supposed to be and learning to embrace things you didn’t even realize were part of what you wanted is a messy process that takes time – but that ‘time’ is absolutely part of the process.
Your inner light is what will break through the darkness.
The messy middle is a dark time. No doubt about it. But dark times play a pivotal role in helping you uncover the light within yourself. If you’re feeling swallowed by the darkness, try to focus on the power of staying present and accepting and allowing each step to unfold organically. It can be so easy to let the messy middle turn into a river of self-pity, but remember: Nothing is forever. Everything is temporary. Time has a way of unfolding in beautiful ways as long as we allow hope to pierce the darkness.
The transformation will be worth your patience and faith.
If the chrysalis opens too soon, the butterfly won’t survive. In the same way, the transformation process cannot be rushed. You will emerge out of the messy middle when you’re ready. Surrendering to the process can feel a little cliché, but the only way out is through. Acceptance of what is can be painful, but non-acceptance leads to suffering.
Hang on and hang in there. Literally.
Feeling like an about-to-burst chrysalis suspended in the air exposed to the elements can be absolutely terrifying, but think about how a chrysalis survives in nature. They are so fragile and so completely exposed to the elements, and yet they are faithfully held by Mother Nature. Every year, millions of caterpillars hang on for dear life, suspended in mid-air, mid-transformation, with absolutely no way to defend themselves. Throughout eons of time, millions of tiny chrysalises survive thunderstorms, pollution, and everything else that threatens them. And every spring, millions of butterflies experience breakthroughs. They slowly emerge, and once their fragile wings grow strong, they soar.
Embracing the mess
As a deeply feeling person in a very messy world, I can tell you that when you are consciously doing life, you are feeling everything. You’re feeling it because you’re awake and aware, and that’s a good thing. That’s a true thing. Keep feeling all the things, and be kind to yourself when what you’re feeling is hard.
If you’re in the messy middle or feeling lost, know that it’s ok. It’s not easy to un-align from what you don’t want while also figuring out how to realign with what you do. You’re not alone in the struggle, and there is support available whenever you’re ready. Have faith that your path is unfolding right on time, and trust that you will find your way to where you're meant to be.
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Hi there! I’m Jenny, a licensed therapist and Certified Adult Chair® Master Coach.
Hi there! I’m Jenny, a licensed Holistic Therapist (LISW-CP) and Certified Adult Chair Master Coach. I combine both therapy and coaching methodologies to provide my clients with a holistic perspective and the techniques they need to flourish. Rediscovering who you were always meant to be is an act of courage, and radical self-love can turn unconscious paralysis into conscious, authentic growth. Learn more about me here.